now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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