Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
