Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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