Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
