My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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