her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she told me i tasted like america
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
