Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
