Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
