I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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