I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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