Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
