yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
