He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
