She announced her abortion via fbk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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