Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
