I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
