Someone shit on the floor
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
