In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Someone shit on the floor
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
