when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
