THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
