He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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