yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
