I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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