I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
