Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
