the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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