I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is wine microwaveable?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
