we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
