All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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