remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
