yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
