quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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