There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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