I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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