life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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