I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
