Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
