i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she smelled like a LAN party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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