You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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