I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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