Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
