So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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