Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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