This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize