I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
