I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
