I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
