I wanna bring you to show and tell
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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