You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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