the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
