everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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