I got chris browned last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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