Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
