Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
whose parrot is this?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
