She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
