ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
