that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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