All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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