I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
