the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
