ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
