Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
