she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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