At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
